Your Weekly Decision

It’s 10pm at night. You’re hungry. It’s too late to cook. No Leftovers. Then it hits you. You grab your keys, put on some shoes and run to your car. Thoughts are running through your head. Your mouth is watering. You park that beautiful 1992 Oldsmobile. You walk into the always open, always crowded, Northern Jersey wonderland of Quick Chek.
You excitedly walk up to the deli touch screen. “Welcome to Quick Chek…” You click sandwiches quickly because you don’t want to hear that annoying voice on the screen. And then you are faced with the toughest decision of your night. Crispy Chicken on whole wheat? Ham and Turkey on Italian Bread? Meatball Parm? Why so many choices?!?!
You compose yourself and realize you are in a public area and need to stop standing in front of a deli touch screen scratching your head with puzzled look on your face. You look to the guy next to you and giggle and make the “wow, so many choices” kind of face. The old man with a grizzly beard turns away and gets a coffee.
You’re left there, just you and your rumbling tummy. That’s it, time to make a decision. You make a bold move and click chicken. Yeah that’s what you want, breaded crispy chicken. Then the touch screen hits you in the face with an even tougher decision…TOPPINGS!
The sweat is starting to collect itself upon your brow. You immediately click mayo because that’s a no brainer…mayo makes everything tastes good. You stare down the bbq sauce and decide against it. Then a ray of light shines down from the heavens and angels sing….buffalo sauce. You unclick mayo and confidently click buffalo sauce because honestly what goes better with crispy chicken than buffalo sauce.
You’re smiling like a fool right now, so proud of your decision. Then it all starts to flow. Cucumbers, shredded lettuce, provolone cheese. Toasted? Obvsies! Would I like to add bacon for an extra $1.25? Does money grow on trees Mr. Touchscreen?!? Angrily click finalize item.
Very happy with your perfect sandwich you created, you click checkout. The receipt comes out and you double check to make sure your delicious meal is correct. It is. Now satisfied you walk up to the cashier who obviously hates her life. You give a warm smile because you know how much you are going to enjoy this sandwich. You tell her to wait one second while you grab a 99cent Brisk Iced Tea. She scowls at you, but you ignore her because nothing can ruin your mood right now. You take out a crisp 10 dollar bill to pay for it all. Then it happens…
“May Number 137 please come back to the deli?” Panic settles in…you’re number 137! You anxiously walk over to the lady who you would normally never let touch any food product of yours, but since its Quick Chek you let it slide. She looks you in the eyes and like a swift kick in the nuts she says “We’re all out of Crispy Chicken…would you like Ham instead?”
“Is ham even remotely close to Crispy Chicken, you ditsy cunt?” (Bill Burr <3) You storm out of the Quick Chek with only a 99 cent iced tea and a ruined night to your credit. You drive back home, depressed. You COD yourself to sleep….tomorrow is another day.

---Big Basic