Your Weekly Decision-- Edition Numero Dos

Eight…Nine…Ten. 10 reps of 225...no big deal. You feel the burn right in your jugs, but you feel satisfied. You notice the hot blonde next to you. You give a little stretch which is really more like a flex to try to impress her. She rolls her eyes and walks away completely unimpressed. Whatever…her loss.

Time for cardio. You look down at your Ipod and notice the battery is in the red. -___- That’s alright though because you just made a new play list. You go to click on it, but its not there. Your dumb ass forgot to put it on last night. You must’ve gotten too caught up in that new episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. The only play lists you currently have are labeled “Country” and “Jersey Shore Party.” Neither of which are gonna get you going and pumped up on the treadmill. So hear it is…the weekly decision.

You gotta make this decision quick before your ipod dies. So what do you want to listen to? Rap? Rock? Country? Porn Groove? You scroll through your artists. Hmm. As you scroll you notice way too many people that shouldn’t be on any man’s ipod. Alanis Morissette, Annie Lennox, Backstreet Boys, Natalie Imbruglia, Celine Dion. You look up and begin to wonder about your own sexuality. No, that’s enough. Get serious here. What gets you all jacked up….Mountain Dew? No you idiot what music gets you all jacked up?! Asher Roth? Too white. Nas? Too black. BB Mak? Too gay. This should not be that hard of a decision! It’s your Ipod…you should like every song on it. So you decide just putting it on shuffle should be the best option.

You hop on the treadmill for a little High Intensity Interval Training. Your headphones pop out your Itouch and the first song comes on for everyone around you to hear…This Kiss by Faith Hill. Boy that’s embarrassing. You awkwardly reach for the headphones to plug back in. Bad start. Now your embarrassed, but you hope the music selection gets a little better. Second song comes on it’s The Fray. Now you may enjoy listening to them but lets get serious here, The Fray gets you about as jacked up as listening to Elton John’s sex life. Ew. Skip again.

Dead Wrong by the Notorious B.I.G comes on. You immediately feel the beat. “The weak or the strong, Who got it goin on…You’re dead wrong.” Biggie got you in the running mood. You crank that bad boy up to 6.8. A pretty nice pace. You feel your untied shorts falling, but also the shorts start to ride up in the crotch. A phenomenon that no skinny man will EVER understand. How can one part fall down while the other rides up? When you are at your most uncomfortable, you decide to take a chance and try to adjust yourself in mid run. Just as you try, the hot blonde walks by and looks at you with your hand down your pants fixing yourself. You immediately feel red in the face and hastily pick your hands up tangling your arms in the headphone wire again. You lose your balance. All in one embarrassing life changing motion, you stumble, rip your headphones out of your ears and smile creepily at the girl. All while listening to Biggie rap about doing something in some girl’s E-Y-E.

As you lie upon the treadmill as a broken man, your ipod dies. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t cha think? Obviously shuffle wasn’t your best choice.

So, what kind of music gets you guys goin at the gym? Maybe your suggestions will save me next time I’m getting my swell on. Until next time…Go Fuck Yourselves San Diego.

---Steve Mongo McMichael