Celebrity Death Pool

Is karma real? I hope not. RJ discusses celebrity deaths...

RJ is a 22 year old male who enjoys sports and porn sites that have full length movies (none of that 35 second clip shit)

Why do girls always give a shit about celebrities who find themselves on hard times?
Lindsay Lohan gets arrested for DUI: everyone defends her. Michael Jackson dies: everybody cries, WAHH. Britney Spears can only see her kids for 2 hours every 3 weeks because she is bat-shit crazy? Girls jump to defend her, and talk about how talented she is as a singer.
Let me tell you something: Celebrities don't give a shit about you. The fact that people get upset over celebrity mishaps is disgusting. In one hour (the time it takes your dumbass to do the New York Post Monday crossword puzzle) 229 people die from AIDS and 51 people die from smoking.
You don't really give a shit about them, do you? No, didn't think so.
But untalented asshole Greg Giraldo overdoses, and everybody stops and makes up some nice shit about him about how he was "such a nice person" or "oh, so talented." Shut the fuck up.
So, how do we stop the over-pussification of America by getting people to stop crying over millionaires getting DUI's and having their otherwise perfect lives sidetracked? We start a dead pool!
What's a dead pool you ask? Good question.
You put in 10 dollars to a pool. You will be randomly assigned a pathetic, cocksucking celebrity. Your celebrity dies. You win the money! Thus, celebrity deaths are fun again! You'll no longer be a pussy. In fact, you'll be rooting for celebrity deaths! You'll be watching the MTV Music Awards hoping Lady Gaga falls from her strings and lands on her head, breaking her neck as blood spurts everywhere and she dies almost instantly, but has enough time between hitting the crowd and taking her last breath to realize how fucking stupid she looks, just like I do every year.
Just for shits and giggles, let's talk about who is the next celebrity most likely to die.

Charlie Sheen - If you're looking for someone who is not going to die from natural causes, I think ole' Wild Thing over here is a lock. Don't get me wrong, Sheen is a straight baller, but when he dies, let's not think of him as "troubled", let's remember he's a man who has crazy sex with porn stars, lines of cocaine off their asses, and throws parties with the same atmosphere as the NYC Puerto Rican day parade in the fuckin Plaza Hotel. If my doctor tells me I have to scale back my drinking, and I get drunk like once a month, what the fuck does Charlie Sheen's doctor say to him?

Bret Michaels - Anyone who has a reality show based on them is already a lock for a death not stemming from natural causes. Now, add brain hemorrhages and holes in hearts, and damn, he's a lock for a quick death! I pray like a good Catholic to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that I get Bret Michaels in the dead pool!

Jon Gosselin -- Well, I mean, he's a suicide candidate because just looking at him, I feel like he has nothing to live for anymore.

Dick Clark -- You ever watch this old fuck on NYE? No, me neither. I'm usually too fucked up to see the tv at midnight. But I do remember seeing him before I liked alcohol, pussy, and night clubs, and he was old as fuck then. I heard he had a stroke five years ago. So, yeah, this old fucker is ready to die.

Guy Fieri -- This is just wishful thinking on my part.

Lindsay Lohan -- This has gotta be a lock for a young, most likely hilarious death (I'm thinking a DUI takes her off a cliff sometime). I can't picture an old Lindsay Lohan, and it's not because I'm like the guy from The Ring and can predict the future, I just don't think anyone can see this chick getting past 30. DUI's, Heroin, Crack...meet the skinny, unfunny, untalented Chris Farley of the 2010's.

Anyway, what do you think? Who would you want in a dead pool? More importantly, would you be willing to enter a dead pool? Is this something guy talk should pursue establishing, or are you too much of a puss to join?

- RJ